Five clues that he is a loser!

Alright Girlies, now we can all relate to those loser bois who at the first sniff are easily defined as rotten meat. But what about those sneaky little cons who have mastered the art of the game, and have learned enough tricks to get past a slightly seasoned lady. Those of you who have just gotten out of a relationship, have decided to give someone a chance, or are fresh to the local scene may fall prey to these devilish pranksters and before you know it you think you are in for the Thing and they are in for that Thang!

Here are some signs to watch out that your man is not out to be 'your man'…

The first clue is how he treats other people. He is trying to impress you, but if he is rude to the server, the valet, or makes remarks to you about being rude or impolite to other people- then that is probably his true nature and that will come out towards you eventually.

Do a background check on previous relationships and friendships with some simple questions during the first date. If he is constantly the victim in his life, then there are probably character defaults he is not showing to you right now. Does he have a past that he is not sharing, or does every girlfriend he has ever been with hate him? WHY? This is a fine line to balance by you as well, too many questions make you to prying, but you have to ask just enough to get your info.

Is he consistent? These pranksters often have two or three stories going on at one time, much less two or three girls, make sure you listen that they all match as far as dates. This is the easiest technique to catch a fibber. Every lie is wrapped in some truth, it is these truths that will make them fumble. Did he spend Christmas will Sally and New Years with Jenny??? This will let you know his true colors and where you need to head.

Be wary of a guy who acts totally into you on the first date. This is an old trick that sometimes catch's a girl off guard. There is a difference between chemistry and wanting to get between the sheets. Make sure you are speaking the same language. We all want to get laid, but make sure you know what happens next.

Does he seem too good to be true? Well then he probably is. I know that sounds cynical, but how many of your totally in love and happy friends had the most mystical perfect take your breathe away feeling on the first date? Think of how you are acting and feeling, does he match you? Is he too touchy, laid back, romantic, mushy, compared to how you would normally act on a first date? If so, move on.

Well, kiddies, this is the humble yet jaded opinion of the Player Slayer, saying happy hunting, be safe (in every way), and don't let a good man keep you down unless there is handcuffs and a friendly spanking involved.

Meow Baby,

Tiger RoxXx

How not to get laid~ a guys guide to panty perusing mistakes.

Hello Kiddies! It's your friendly neighborhood sex kitten here with a look at getting picked up from a doggie's point a view. Now all of us ladies have been affronted or even 'a-back-ed' by some hapless hound that needed a few pointers before he approached a doll like us. So, I thought I would take it upon myself to help these cute little fellows out before they made those all too crucial mistakes that turned our stomachs, much less our hearts.

Let's start with the basics… "Hey!" is not a pick up line, a compliment, or even a complete sentence. If that is the extent of your conversation, then you should not be leaving the house. Adding the word "Baby" to it doesn't help matters, so come up with something else. This has never worked, and will never work…stop trying. Think before you speak and come up with something clever to say to us, and add a compliment in for good measure.

Speaking of being a-back-ed, edging up to the rear end of a girl while she is dancing at the club may work for a split second while she is drunk, but it is rarely the best method. Come straight at us, we like to see what we are dealing with. If you have nothing to hide, meet us face to face. Girls are attracted to confidence and non-physical attributes which will be portrayed through eye contact and body language.

Buy a girl a drink, and don't ask what she is drinking- just know! Didn't you learn anything from Hitch? This doesn't mean you have to let her drink on you all night (sorry ladies) but showing her you are interested enough to bring her a cocktail is a great way to get one step closer to where you want to be- next to her.

Recognize the difference between someone who is flirting and just being nice. Some girls can't blow a guy off; it is no good to waste time on someone who is not attracted to you. Learn to pick up the warning signs of someone who is not interested and just move on. It is less painful for everyone involved this way.

And lastly but not leastly…Don't hang all over her once you have made the approach. This will keep things interesting, for you and her. You don't have to hold hands, suck face, and drown yourself in her ALL night… dipping in and out of her circle and staying in close proximity shows your interest without smothering her. It makes the flirting and touching you do all the more sexy! Her friends will appreciate the space, and it will still give you the time to get to know each other and watch each other interact.

Well Dolls and Dogs, I hope this helps your pre-dating experiences get a tickle bit better. Once you have made it through the approach, all you have to do then is keep her interested. This is Tiger RoXXX saying be nice to each other or who else will, besides me, of course!

Meow Baby,

Tiger RoxXx

From 'sure' to sheets~ A Valentines Day guide to getting laid.

Hello there lovers! A big sexy wet kiss to you all to start off this sloppy month of entanglement. The topic on everyone's mind is romance and that special day- February 14th, Valentines! With that said I thought I would give you a few tart and tangy suggestions to tailor your valentine plans so you are sure to steer your sweetie to the bedroom.

Rule number one is to think out of the box! (Not just about her box) Anyone can do dinner and a movie, you want to stand out. If you want to do dinner think about mixing it up-cook it yourself, make reservations somewhere memorable like the place your first met, take her somewhere she has always wanted to go, or find somewhere out of the ordinary like a picnic at an ice rink. (If that suits her personality) It has to be something more than a usual date to ensure she gets warmed up.

Rule number two is plan, plan, plan. Don't ask her what she wants, or where she wants to go…especially on your way there. Think about what she would want and then have it all arranged. When you take charge and show her you know what she wants, you will be more likely to get what you want later!

Rule number three is overindulging! Women emphasize this day like they are keeping count. Even a single rose is better than no flowers at all, a note or poem if you can't get a gift, the more points you rack up the more likely you are to score.

Rule number four treat her like a princess! When a lady feels like a princess- attractive, sensuous, on top of the world- then she acts the same. Her princess juices will start flowing in the direction of the one who got them going. YOU!

Rule number five is most important- appreciate what you have worked for! Once you get to the point of seduction don't ruin it by rushing in. Satisfy all parties involved with a slow and thorough job. Nobody likes a minute man and you don't want to have done all that work just to 'blow it'!

So that is my advice to you fellows! Hope these tidbits help you get closer to your end goals- happiness and satisfaction. Make the most of your "Valentine Treats" so March can come in like a Lion!

Meow Baby,

Tiger RoxXx

How to stalk your stalker...

Hi there gents and dolls! It’s your favorite little kitty peeking through the weeds of mischief like a true Tiger can to teach you how to truly stalk your stalker. Now before we move into my comedic, yet informative, monologue I want to say really being stalked is a serious matter which you should report to the proper authorities. Never take serious and dangerous matters into your own hands!
Now onto our lessons…
Everyone has been in one of THOSE relationships! The one’s that start off feeling warm and fuzzy and then end up with having to have a 200lb hemorrhoid removed from your touché! But how did it happen???
More than likely you went from dating to relationship in 5.2 seconds without checking your early warning signs. Whether it’s a crotch scratching fella or bon bon eating lass, it is sure that there was one common factor in your posterior problem…moving too fast without fact checking!
Stalk your stalker, because that is the ONLY way you will determine the mood of your future relationship! If you didn’t read "5 signs that he’s a loser" in our Dec ’07 issue, then you should definitely catch that for signs to look for on the first date. If you actually made it past THAT first date milestone into the longer stretch of building your casual ’thang’ into a serious ’thing’ here are some pointer’s to keep it real.
Pay attention! So often we are enamored with the acts of the rendezvous that we don’t pay attention to the early warning signs. Good steady research of personality compatibility- each other’s likes and dislikes, morals, and personal habits- will let you know how far the relationship can go. Most overlook mid-relationship signs in the hopes it is just a phase that will change. Ever heard the saying you can’t change a tiger’s stripes? If you like a little hanky spanky and he is a straight lace, odds are you aren’t going home with a pink hinny honey!
Separate Lives! Missing mid-relationship signs often leads to clingy or over bearing actions on one or both of your parts trying to ’force’ a change of behavior. You end up spending an enormous amount of time together in early to mid stages of the relationship, eclipsing your lives. If you can’t be ’their everything’ and still lead separate lives, you are in for a pain in Uranus! This will lead to chaos and calamity that you have a hard time shaking in the end!
Background Checks! I can’t ever say this enough! Listen to me kiddies, seriously!!! Are you setting yourself up to be the victim of a serial dater? Listen to their dating history! You do the math and be sure to make a subtraction in time to save your heart! They will give you all the clues, if you let them. Don’t ignore trouble signs that are sure to manifest later because you are having a good time now!
Cut Loose! Don’t be afraid to cut your losses! Many people feel they have invested time and energy, blah, blah, blah and they continue after the relationship should be fini’! You are only elongating the death of the situation, and while it may not seem like misery now it will be one day if you continue in an incompatible situation. Wouldn’t it be happier to end on a more contented note now, then later when things go south? Then you won’t end up with that pain in the rear problem, but maybe a friend you can rear-end later!
So, there is my take on keeping a happy and healthy stalker free relationship! This is Tiger RoxXx saying take care of each other by taking care of your self first!
Meow Baby,
Tiger RoxXx

Don't cheat on yourself...

Bonjour my sweets! It's your favorite spicy kitten here with my never ending saucy words of wisdom. We are coming into one of my favorite times of year when the weather gets warm and you kiddies go on the prowl. "Mating Season" as we have so playfully dubbed it! Clothes get smaller, bars and clubs get hotter, and everyone gets….well- together more often.
A symptom of this amazing phenomenon is that those snuggly and comfy winter nesting relationships start to thaw and feel a little too mushy for some. What is worse is that instead of doing the right thing and shedding those winter hook up blues, people hang on while they begin sniffing the fresh spring daisies. So this little number is all about that taboo subject of cheating on yourself.
We all know it happens, it happens all the time. As a matter of fact you can probably name at least one friend, relative, if not yourself who is fooling themselves and everyone else into to thinking they are in a relationship. According to Therapist Peggy Vaugn 60% of men and 40% of women will have an affair at some point. So before you go shaking your head, pointing your finger, or spitting some bad line this mating season let's think about this. Who really gets hurt in these situations?
Man, that's deep! Right? I mean, it's great to have a warm sure thing back in bed waiting in case what you are trying to score doesn't work out, but what if it does… you either have a one night stand or two sure things, and that is a whole article in itself. (I'll think about it) I am not just playing pity on your sweet hearted girl, or too nice boy- both of which don't deserve the treatment- I am saying think about your friends who have to lie for you, and the innocents who have no clue they are in on it with you, and then there is the most important person of all YOU.
Why not just be single? I mean, I know when I am playing the field it is a lot easier to do because I am keeping my eye on the ball, not glancing over my shoulder waiting to be sideswiped.
Are you trying to use the old tired line that it's hearts you are worried about breaking? Then think about the difference between a peaceful break-up because you just aren't feeling it and your love's sensation that some one is rejected them because their love just found a taste of honey that was sweeter. A little pain now can save you a whole lot of headache (and probably some property damage) later!
You may be compounded under the crush of the societal view that you have to be in a relationship. Be in love with yourself first! Maybe it's just my rebellious attitude, but I would like to know if I am attaching myself to a person it's not because I played dollhouse when I was a little girl but because I have true feeling that will last…at least until the desert. By knowing that I can be single and OK with it I am sure when I do find that desert mate, it will be for all the right sticky reasons!
Are you complaining that you just aren't getting what you need from your mate? Then why stay with them while looking for it somewhere else? That is the perfect opportunity to hit the bricks and play the field. Explore all the opportunities of the wonderful world of being single and get to know YOU! Don't settle just to have someone and learn to be happy with being single. (Oh, and the more you look the less you will find, it's a common rule in the single's guide.)
If we explore all the 'reasons' to cheat… intimacy issues, lack of pleasure in certain areas, the need for attention, self esteem problems, the list goes on and on … it all boils down to one plain fact to me – work it out or leave. There is no reason to cheat! Cheating only causes other different kinds of messes to clean up. So you really are hurting yourself most of all, you lose someone you once thought enough about to make yours, even if for a short time. You misplace a little bit of yourself, and you screw things up with your inner circle and that is no way to get a spanking!
So, my love kittens, this is Tiger RoxXx with my slightly harsher words for this month of the bump and grind. Don't let me catch ya out there being bad kitty's!
Meow Baby,
Tiger RoxXx

How to get dumped... a getting over it guide!

Happy May My Sweets! It is your purring pal here with some tasty treats of advice having to do with those uncomfortable times that no one wants to talk about- no, not THOSE times- I am talking about getting dumped! We can pretty it up any way you want but it all hurts the same. The separation anxiety, the anger, the thoughts of what you did wrong, maybe even a little fight to get your 'prize' back… well I am here to help!

May is the month of flowers, out with the old in with the new, and rebirths! (and my Birthday!) That is why we should focus on how to get over those things that have been holding us back from moving in a positive direction! Here are five rules to having a successful break-up!

First rule of getting dumped (or breaking up- however you should look at it) is to accept it- own your release! Follow the same steps you would as if they were moving far far away with no way to contact them – forever! Deal with it, know it, believe it! Don't make up some fantasy that this fact will change, there are much better things to fantasize about!

The second rule is to make you the most important person that you love! We all want a rebound fling or a get better thing to take our mind of the situation, but in reality this only prolongs the healing process. It can also displace the self love that you desperately need at this point in the game. Everybody needs a body sometimes, but you are too vulnerable and may end up risking emotions and self if you jump into any type of relationship- even casual!

Third Rule is to understand what your relationship was like- good and bad! Look at both sides of the story and don't play the blame game. Who cares at this point who said what, when, where, or why- the point is it's over and you can move to love yourself and have even more fun! At least that way you know all about the person you are in love with!

The Fourth Rule is No Peeking! In this age of the electronic social overexposure stopping by to peek at what your ex has been up to is all too easy. You should definitely stick to a strict eyes/hands/computers off policy to keep your mind clear and recovering. Distancing yourself right now in every aspect is the only way! There are some many other fun things to peek at on the net anyway!

Rule number Five is visualizing yourself going through all the steps of the breakup and coming out on the other end happier than ever, feeling spectacular! Odds are the wonderful you is better off without the old them anyway!

So, don't be sorry that it's over ~ be happy that it happened and move on! I am Tiger RoxXx saying "That's my cake, kiddies, and you can eat it too!" Hope to see you out and about for some Birthday celebrations around the town!

Meow Baby,

Tiger RoxXx